Long time no see!

Woah! It’s been awhile since I’ve last blogged (is that a word?). Anyway, things have changed since then and I decided to get back to my roots.

There was a break in at my house that I was fixing up. Since then I’ve moved out and currently reside in an apartment in Chicago. I’ve always dreamed about living in Chicago. The city lights illuminate your surroundings. Taking the CTA everywhere. Enjoying all the different culture and food. After six months of it though, I can’t stand it anymore. The cars are too loud, the lights are blinding, and you can’t see any stars.

It got me thinking though about dreams and expectations. We sometimes have huge expectations about future events. There is nothing wrong with having expectations but they can’t be to big.  You almost want a sense of control when your expectations are high. I thought that I could control my surroundings and environment when I moved to the city. I thought people would just move out of my way so I could have the experience that I dreamt about. Chicago doesn’t work that way. Millons of other people live in this evolving city. Millons that have accepted what Chicago really is and love it for who she is.

Chicago for me, will always have a place in my heart but it isn’t the home that I want for myself.

Thanks for reading and as always Stay Beautiful! xoxo

[Book Review] Charade by Nyrae Dawn (May contain spoilers!)

did not get this book for free by all means and I am not getting any type of reimbursement. I paid for it on my own through my kindle. 

     I brought this book on my kindle about a year and a half ago because a friend of mine suggested it to me. It took me that long with read it too. It isn’t by all means a long book. I just ended up losing interest and putting it down for awhile. When I picked it back up, I reread a couple chapters then remembered everything. I don’t mean to spoil anything by all means…but I will say this SPOILERS.

     The two main characters are Colt and Chey are both going to the same college. Chey is the prefect looking girl on the outside, but on the outside she has an emotional storm brewing inside her. Colt is the badass bad boy with a soft side. Who doesn’t love a bad boy with a soft side? I know I do! What I love about the book is it switching back and forth between the viewpoints of the main characters. That aspect of the book always did intrigue me because it lets you in the mind of both characters. How they deal with the emotional issues within themselves. There story ends up intertwined when Chey wants to make Gregory jealous. So they put on a relationship Charade. My inner girl said “Run girl while you can! Your going to fall hard for this guy.” This book is really good at taking your human emotions, chews them and spits them out. This is a young adult book from start to finish. The college angst, the depression, anxiety. Though it did have some adult themes such as losing a parent.

     I know I knocked it earlier but the love story aspect though is amazing. I am an extremely emotional person so I cried about three or four times while reading it. If you enjoy reading about two people who have a issues and lean on each other to get through the hell called life, than this book is for you!

Thanks for reading! I plan on posting more book reviews as I finish books. Comment below if you have any suggestions on books! Or tell me you love/hated this post. 


So my emotions are getting the best of me but this is my way of letting things go.

The anger I feel because you don’t call

Aches within my soul

You say I get attached to easily

And that you change people frequently

I don’t like change

It isn’t my style

So what if I hold onto things

For just a little while

Don’t worry though

You’ve shown your true colors

You never did care for me

It was all a show, manipulation really

It took some time for me to open up my eyes

To see the real you

Just this one time

Religion and how it doesn’t work for me.

Woah…it’s been awhile since I blogged about any topic. It’s funny when life throws a bunch of crap at you, how long it takes to cycle through it all. Now this post of a bit of a rant and my realization of things within the last few months. If your easily offended stop right now. This isn’t for the faint of hearts.

Spiritually speaking, ( since this is my spiritual blog) I’m have cycled through many religions. From catholic to paganism. Right now though I’m not feeling any form of organized religion. Reason being, I’m sick of the extremists. I hate the rules that people have put in place to follow said religions. I also hate forcing myself to be a religion because my family is. Hear me out…

I have seen the extremists from Christianity and even paganism. ( yes there are extremists in paganism) Even atheists have some as well. I even tried to be one of those extremists. Read a ton of books. Burn this herb at this time to get this effect they said. Did any of it work for me? Not at all.

I found the books uninteresting. Honestly there is only so much you can write about Isis before you become redundant in what your saying. And most of the new age mumbo jumbo that’s out there is peoples opinions and not actually based on anything.

Once again burn this candle at this time on this day while the moon is pointing in this direction. I’m trying to get closer to some sort of deity not solve the world hunger. ( I can get a tad over the top sometimes)

Point being after the five years I have tried to be pagan and fail miserably, I’m moving forward. I do believe there is a higher power. Does he control whether or not I am happy? Or when a certain event should happen in my life. Probably not. That’s why you have to take the initial step to find happiness in your life.

Don’t read books because someone told you to. Read them because you honestly find them interesting.

Don’t follow a religion just because your family does. I’m a prime example. I stopped following a religion because I didn’t like the way it made me feel at this end of the day. I shouldn’t feel guilty for the decisions I make. Because in the end it is what I wanted at that exact moment in time. There is nothing wrong with that.

I’m sure there are a ton of people out there that organized religion works for them. I guess I’m part of the group that it doesn’t. Go ahead and pray that one day I may find Jesus. (I have actually met like twenty of them…lol)
I’ll take your blessing and thank you for the kind words. But Jesus isn’t going to save me when I’m falling off a building or even when I get my heart broken. I have to help myself in those situations.